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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Complaint: Tesco & Some Crap Chicken

Actually a recent complaint this one!

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Dear Tesco

Gosh do I have a 1,000 character limit? Wish me luck on that.

One night recently, I was drunk. Do you have one of those annoying friends that starts every story with "I was really drunk"? I'm going to have to get to the point pretty quickly here, aren't I?

So, I was drunk. And the last two times I had been to Chicken Cottage on the way home, I ended up with 4 pieces of dry, over-cooked, miserable southern fried chicken.

Being drunk, I came up with an idea - lets go to Tesco. And I bought a pack of Shazans Peri Peri Chicken Thighs.

Yes I managed to stay awake for the 45 minutes to cook them but I wish I hadn't. It was even harder to find any chicken on the chicken thighs than it is at Nando's (I tend to pour their peri-peri sauce into my drink to get my money's worth).

This was the most horrid, stringy, underfed chicken I have had in a long time. An absolutely awful product. Erm, very bad.

(You can imagine what a nightmare Twitter is for me).

Kind regards
Jame

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Hi James

Thank you very much for taking the time to e-mail us.

To be fair, that was a pretty dramatic story, I'm sorry to hear our chicken proved to be the antagonist.

I don't suppose you still have the packaging, do you? If so, we can take some information from the packaging and refer them to our suppliers. This may help them determine how to improve the product in future.

Furthemore, if you don't have the packaging then don't worry. I'd rather you concentrate on ploughing through your hangover instead of routing through your bins on our behalf.

Either way, if you'd be kind enough to reply with the details of your full postal address I'd be more than happy to send you out a £5.00 Tesco Moneycard for the inconvenience.

Thanks again, and I look forward to your reply.

Kind regards

James
Tesco Customer Service
Tesco Customer Engagement Centre

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Ahh a fellow James!


Do you ever wonder why more footballers do not have a first name of James?  Do you think there is something about the name James that makes one inherently useless at football?

I can confirm that I am useless at football.

My address is in my signature, and my photographs of the label are attached.

Kind regards
James

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Hi James

Thanks for your reply.

That's a massive coincidence, as I have no clue, or interest (which ultimately makes me also useless at) football.

I don't think it's a superstition you should take too seriously though. I've queried this with some of the colleagues in my office who are familiar with 'playing at ball', and they've asked me to remind you of some of the modern greats, including James Milner, James Rodriguez (AKA Hamas), and don't forget the famous Jimmy Bullard.

Also, I've now sent you out a £5.00 Tesco Moneycard for the inconvenience

Kind regards

James
Tesco Customer Service
Tesco Customer Engagement Centre

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Hi James

Thank you for the wake-up call this morning, it was very sweet.

However having now read your e-mail, I am shocked to read that you are comparing such a nugget of disgrace that is Jimmy Bullard, with legends like James Milner.  Calling Jimmy Bullard a footballer is like calling Jimmy Savile a DJ.  He was however very good at picking up a very large weekly wage whilst injured at Hull City AFC and spending it all on cocaine and beer.  Whilst I have no problem with people spending their wages on cocaine and beer - it is not exactly as if every penny I earn is spent on avocado and charity donations, Jimmy Bullard was supposed to be representing the great football club that is Hull City AFC and supposed to be recuperating from a serious knee injury - yet he decided it was best to spend Hull City AFC's time any money sharing toilet cubicles with other men [allegedly says my lawyer].


I know that you were only trying your best, and have clearly been misled by your colleagues - your knowledge of football seems to be similar to my knowledge of pop music.

But please do understand, Jimmy Bullard is not one of us.  He is a Jimmy, like Savile, not a James.  Well, not quite like Savile, but a man...neigh...boy of disrepute.

Have a good weekend (or a good Monday)

Shabba.

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Hi James

Thanks for your reply, sorry to wake you when I rang.

My colleague seemed horrified that you had so many negative things to say about Jimmy Bullard. I'm starting to feel like a middle man.

You're right that I have absolutely no knowledge of football, which is something I'm quite proud of!

I'm not a fan of sports in general, my passion at the moment is wrestling. Wrestling is the physical endeavour of a real man. The more spandex, the better.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact us. I also enjoyed your YouTube video about eating pancakes with gravy. I took the time to give you your second 'like', and left a comment. Now I should probably do some work.

Kind regards

James
Tesco Customer Service
Tesco Customer Engagement Centre