Sunday, November 13, 2016

Ocado Complaint & My 425 Error

Hi Ocado

I have had a frustrating day today. Have you any idea how to fix a 425 error on an ftp server? No, neither have I.

Recently I undertook a project called Supermarket Slut. I became fed up of Sainsburys not being able to deliver chicken that lasted long enough through the week.

Chicken breasts are the one item that I require to last through the week - as they are for my salad for Monday to Friday and tend to go off. Other things being short-dated I can just about work around - as long as it isn't everything.

Anyway, I'm digressing. So I undertook the Supermarket Slut project, as I did feel very close to Sainsburys yet repeatedly let down. We've had some good chats over the years, especially when it comes to my scientific endeavours. I'm not sure that they believe that I am building a teleport machine but they play along anyway.

Maybe we will have some good conversations too, but maybe we won't, as both packs of chicken received today are only dated until Tuesday.

I am not happy.

This is the reason I stopped shopping with Sainsburys and gave all the other supermarkets a chance. Even Asda. Can you imagine?

Sainsburys actually came top in Supermarket Slut but you came a close joint second - and I like that you have a greater range of fish.

I would send you the spreadsheet but I think it's on my work computer.

Anyway. I hope you can understand my point in between the giblets.


ps If you can fix my 425 error then we will be good friends.


Hi James!

Although I'm aware of and have used FTP servers, I'm afraid fixing a 425 error is beyond me!

Oh and the teleport machine certainly intrigues...

Anyway, on to the chicken, we display a life guarantee on the webshop for all the fresh items we sell. The number displayed relates to the number of days of use you can expect, including the delivery day. Our produce comes straight from our suppliers to our warehouse and then on to you. We don’t pick from stores, which means your shopping’s never been handled by other customers, or sat on the shelf for days before it gets to you.

We’re constantly working with our suppliers behind the scenes to get this information for you and to make sure that you get the freshest produce. We hope the life guarantee will help you plan your meals and help reduce food wastage, something that we’re very conscious of.

I’d certainly like to look into this for you; if you’d be so kind as to provide the use by date and product batch code (the batch code will appear as a series of numbers and letters or a date/time stamp, I’ll be able to investigate further.

Regardless, on this occasion I've refunded you for the chicken breasts and you'll receive an automated email to confirm this.

I hope this helps and if there is anything further I can assist you with, please do let me know and I'll personally be on hand to help :)

Kind regards,

Ocado Customer Service Team

P.S. Although I can't help you with the 425 error, I hope we can still be friends!


Random picture of an old caravan because more people will click on the post.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Sainsburys Complaint & My Manly Chest

Dear Sainsburys

I am not sure whether you are aware but I am entering my manly torso-chest into a Sexy Torso competition shortly.

One of the many areas of advice that I have encountered is for colouring my torso to ensure I stand out to the judges.

To do so, I need to rub half an avocado onto my chest, particularly the nipple area, and let the oils soak in overnight.

However this week, my Sainsburys avocados were totally unacceptable.  I bought a packet of the ripen at home avocados, but they just went to a weird light green/light brown.  I did try to rub them into my chest once the skin appeared ripened but they didn't work - and I thought they smelt a bit odd too.

Please can you ensure that future avocados are more appropriate for rubbing into my manly torso - I really want to win this competition.

You may also be interested to know that I am growing a kind of chest moustache to cover my nipples.

Kind regards
James Winfield


Dear James

Thanks for taking the time to contact us.

It’s disappointing that the avocados you received were poor quality and unusable. I know that you need these avocados to prepare for your Sexy Torso competition so I can appreciate your concern that on this occasion they didn't work as intended. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

All our avocados comes to us from reputable suppliers. We insist on strict quality control procedures and temperature controls throughout all stages of storage, handling and display. This should ensure that it reaches you in perfect condition.

As this hasn't been the case, I've forwarded your comments to our quality managers. They in turn will let our suppliers know about this. I'd like to assure you that we constantly refer to customer feedback of this nature as part of ongoing reviews.

I’ve also sent you a £1.75 evoucher to cover the cost of your avocados. The voucher code is ****-****-****. This'll be sent to the email address on the account, is valid for two years and can be used on a future online shop.

We appreciate the time you've taken to let us know about this as we're committed to selling high quality products. I'd also like to take the opportunity to wish you all the best in your upcoming competition.

Kind regards

****** ******
Customer Manager
Sainsbury's Online

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Greetings From The Lonely Girl, Tatiana

I'm looking for a worthy partner for marriage and family formation.I sent a profile to the marriage agency in my city and the answer came to me with your email. I do not know anything about you except your email address. I've never acquainted with the men on the Internet.I would like us to make our acquaintance closer. I do not know what you like in woman, please tell me. I am educated, kind, and honest woman without bad habits.I want serious, intelligent and educated man beside me. I would like to exchange phone numbers with you to know each other better. I lead an active and healthy lifestyle. I like swimming and sport exercises.It gives me the energy for a better life. I'll write more if you answer me.I have a lot of photos and I can send them to you in the future. I will be happy to answer your questions, I hope to receive a letter from you. Tatiana!


Hi Tatiana

Thank you for your kind e-mail.

Unfortunately I spend too much of my time and money, on getting high and snorting as many drugs as possible, to be able to have children.

The two most important things in a woman to me are a good pair of breasts that I can snort drugs from, and also she needs to be kinky in bed - whips, handcuffs, nipple clamps - that kind of thing.

I think you are probably too boring for me.  I wish you all the best in your search for a husband.

Kind regards


Hello my new friend James! I'm very excited and very pleased that you have
written to me. I would like to tell you, about myself, about my
hobbies, about my life in general. I hope you will understand my
message. For you to get to know me better, I must say that my age is
38 years old, I a woman of average height (168 cm.) and the feminine
figure (60 kg). What are your height and weight? How can I call you? I
am talking about my family. I got quite a small but good family
experience. I believe my parents marriage ideal, and I want to build
such a strong and reliable relations in my future too. I got divorced.
I have a daughter. Her name is Nastya. She is 10 years old. I wanted
to build strong relationship, like my parents, but it was
unsuccessful. He started having problems with alcohol and he left our
family seven years ago, leaving me and daughter. I live in Samara. It
is a city on the Volga River in Russia. I work as a music teacher in a
kindergarten. My main hobby is my job. I like what I'm doing. I like
to work with children. I like to make holidays to children. And you
know, the children very much appreciate it. This is nice, and a little
hard to talk about myself. It nice because everyone is worried about
their words the interest that he likes or dislikes. But at the same
time is difficult, because the study of man, especially yourself, this
is a great way and great work. If you want to know more, please ask. I
will answer. Please tell me more about yourself and your hobbies. What
do you like to do? How do you spend your free time? Tell me about your
family. Send me your photos. I wait for your answer.


As she clearly didn't read my e-mail I didn't correspond further.  Opportunity missed?