Friday, August 23, 2013

Wasting My Money

I checked my bank balance earlier this week.  I am shockingly overdrawn.  For my standards anyway.  If I were a country, the IMF would be called in.  Actually, no...the trade unions would go on strike, crippling the economy further just for their own individual selfish means.

So perfect time to waste further money unnecessarily, as getting into further debt when you are indebted apparently helps you get out of debt according to the Labour Party…and because it is Friday, please go along with me as if I am playing Bullseye:

Iiiiiiiinnnn 1 – Why take the key out of the inside of the door, when you can leave it inside, make your morning more interesting, interrupt your work, embarrass yourself to your landlord and let the locksmith laugh all the way to the bank for the most simple of call outs for just £78.00.
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnn 2 – Most people opt to buy a train ticket from Bracknell for £5.70, but you can get lucky like a robot by not bothering to get one until you get to Reading Train Station where you can receive this superb prize of a Penalty Fine, yours for the meagre sum of £20.00, served by the most wonferfully Bob Crowe-alike Nazis in their finest neon regalia.
Iiiinnnnnn 3 – Salad.  Waste of time that was.
Iiiiiiiiiiiiin 4.  OK I may be running out here so just make up some of your own.

And Bully’s Special Prize – Yours for just £75.00 – A weapon of mass danger, engineered to terrify those annoying pedestrians and with the license to go through red lights on those rare occasions that you need to use the road.  You may not have used one since the early days of John Major’s premiership, where he stewarded the UK economy to the next level of greatness, only for New Labour to come in 5 years later, claim the spoils and fuck it up like socialists always do when they run out of other people’s money to spend.  No, not a caravan – but a second hand bike.  As if you will ever use it.

(Random photo - I was going to put a photo of the Nazi symbol to represent the First Great Wester staff but thought that probably wouldn't help my future employment prospects.  If I had Photoshop at work then I would have downloaded the Nazi logo and put it on a picture of First Great Western staff.  Albeit that would probably not help my current job prospects.  I hope the above picture is sufficient).