Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghh - Too Much To Do!

I woke up this morning after a broken but reasonably long sleep with absolutely no inclination to go to work, or even to get out of bed, only to discover that my earphones have broken, which seems to happen every 6 months even though they are Sennheisers which I thought were supposed to be good quality, I am starting to panic about moving house in just 10 days time as we all know how crap I am at moving house and also starting to worry about whether Free House project will be a success on Saturday, though perhaps mostly because I feel so disorganised musically as I do not think I have enough tracks (this is bullshit, I have more than enough) and I certainly have not practised enough (this is true) and have no idea when I will get time before Saturday to do so. Of course I had plenty of time the last few days but I spent the weekend procrastinating.

Of course everyone on the commute this morning was an arsehole, that and me having to rush to make sure I was not late for work.

I am now like “how the hell am I going to get time to do everything”.

So slightly stressed. It is mostly because of the house move. I guess Free House Project will mostly take care of itself with a few reminders to the special people who might be attending. And most of my clothes don’t fit me which would usually be just an annoyance but what am I going to wear in Ibiza?

I guess as long as I can find a man with van and flat cleaners, for a reasonable price, then I will relax more. Any suggestions? And I have 3 days off work and a weekend (albeit I am probably/hopefully going to fabric) to pull off the move so it isn’t too bad. But will all my stuff fit in my new place? Will I be able to throw anything away?!

I just hate moving.

Talking about things I hate, my office is about 1,000’C. It is hotter than Vanessa Feltz’s backside after curry and exercise. I know there are lots of people out there who would love to be working right now who are stuck with nothing else to do other than watch Jeremy Kyle, however would you want to work in Vanessa’s backside?


Maybe I just feel like a moan. I’ve had an extra day off and all of a sudden it feels like I am returning to work after 6 months off. My to-do list is ridiculous, starting with a meeting with the estate agent tonight to discuss the handover of the flat.

Clean bathroom
Buy earphones
Download tunes
Burn cds
Download new DJ sets for ipod
Buy T-shirts for Ibiza
Buy Socks
Buy sun cream
Send bills to landlady
Pick up keys for new flat
Book Removal van.
Book Cleaners
Find some boxes
Notice to Virgin, water and council tax, cancel dds
Economics blog (yes I guess this could wait!)
List of future DJs for FHP
Promote FHP
Practice DJing
Burn cds

Where to start?

I think I shall have some more sleep.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

My Clubbing Olympics

I told you I would be inspired by the Olympics.  I thought that seeing as I am moving house, going to Ibiza and doing my own party, that I should add a few more parties to the list:

Sunday 26th August - Elsewhere.  Would seem rude not to have a little warm-up for my marathon at a good free party in Reading.
Friday 31st August - Groovetech.  Another one of the free parties in Reading with really good house music, more along the lines of tech-house.  Shame I have my party the next day so it will only be a brief visit for me.
Saturday 1st September - Free House Project.  Did you know I am doing a party?  I've even blagged a DJ set for myself.
Saturday 8th September - Ricardo at fabric.  This is the weekend I move house.  Ricardo is in London.  I can see another disastrous house move, but some things are too important.
Monday 17th September - Circo Loco.  Yes, I have never been to DC10.  I know, I know, slap me.
Monday 17th September - Cocoon.  Sven Vath all night long in the terrace.
Tuesday 18th September - Cocoon after party.  Please!
Tuesday 18th September - Loco Dice and tINI at Space - playing for Carl Cox's night.
Wednesday 19th September - tINI and the gang - Free daytime party in Playa D'en Bossa.  Fingers crossed it is still going.
Wednesday 19th September - Ibiza Rocks.  Honestly.  No bullshit.  Not sure I'll like it but my sister is going house music clubbing in exchange, not that she really knows that yet but she is in Ibiza...
Thursday 20th September - Paradise at DC10.  Soul Clap and Deniz Kurtel are the big draws for me at Jamie Jones' night.  Tempting.
Saturday 22nd September - Art Department at fabric.  I'm back from Ibiza this day.  Seems like a good plan to make sure I have something to look forward to assuming I can actually move.  Eats Everything also playing.

Have I missed anything?!

Realistically these are not all going to happen due to money, time and energy limitations.  Oh, not forgetting dancing partner requirements.

If I make 50% then that will be successful.  75% would be amazing.

I might even sacrifice Cocoon at Amnesia.

Friday, August 17, 2012

My Championship Predictions

1 Wolves - Tough decision, but my friend Shaun supports them and they have a very similar colour kit to Hull so I think they will win.  Oh and they seem to have kept their best players.

2 Brighton - Gus Poyet is a very smart man and I can see him getting Brighton promoted.  Some impressive signings.
3 Blackburn - They've signed some good players like Nuno Gomes (he sounds good anyway from the name) and I think it is the year of the chicken, so they will do well but sack their manager when they are top during the middle of the season because the India Times will have miss-typed them as 19st instead of 1st.
4 Blackpool - I am a big fan of Ian Holloway, he deserves to be in the Premiership so we hear more of his nuggets of wisdom, and I think he will win the play-offs.
5 Birmingham - They did well last year despite all the extra games in the Europe, and Lee Clark is a good young manager.
6 Middlesborough - I am surprised they fell away last season.  Lots of tall players.
7 Cardiff - Craig Bellamy.  For some reason I always find it funny when Cardiff suffer disaapointment and I predict they will miss out on the play-offs by one goal.
8 Notts Forest - I think they are owned by Kuwait so all the oil on the pitch will give them an unbeaten record at home, but they will find it too cold away.
9 Bolton - My sister has been to Bolton.

10 Huddersfield - As long as they can keep Jordan Rhodes then they will do respectably well, Anthony Gerrard in defence too who did well at Hull on loan.

11 Hull City - We now have Steve Bruce as manager and Alex Bruce in defence.  I don't like change though, and I don't think we will do as well as we expect to.  We might have wasted £2.5m on second division striker.  A German second division striker.  Second season under Bruce will see promotion as long as he doesn't say anything to upset the owners.
12 Derby - Mid table decency for a young team.
13 Burnley - Have you been to Burnley?  It's a proper shithole.  Awful roads.  Who built a town here?  However they are tough to beat.  Hull City always lose against them.
14 Crystal Palace - I don't know much about them but my mate Wayne supports them so I cannot relegate them.  I don't think the Premiership suits them, unless P. Diddy buys them but he is too interested in partying at DC10.
15 Watford - My mate Ben supports them.  So I would like to see them to only slightly less well than Hull.  Zola is manager so they will do less well than Hull.
16 Charlton - Early momentum should see them through.
17 Millwall - I went past Millwall's ground on the train the other day.  Wow.  What an area.  Sadly I do not see relegation.
18 Sheffield Wednesday - Who puts a day of the week in their name?  Monday Winfield?  Doesn't work does it?  And Nick Clegg lives here.
19 Ipswich - They deserve to escape relegation for relasing that sewer rat, Jimmy Bullard.  I shouldn't be so nice to sewer rats should I?  Wait a minute, am I Neil Warnock?
20 Peterborough - I went to Peterborough once as an away fan.  We had bricks thrown at our coach.
21 Barnsley - They might still dig coal there so I think they will just about dig themselves out of trouble.
22 Bristol City - They are still upset after Hull City beat them in the play-off final a few years back so will struggle.  Lots of odd people in Bristol.  And that accent?
23 Leicester City - Scumbags.  Scumbag manager who lied to Hull fans and keeps trying to sign our best players.
24 Leeds United - In football terms, I hate Leeds.  Realistically they will finish top half but I refuse to accept that because it will be through cheating so upon expectation of them being deducted 50 points or going bankrupt, I will place them bottom.  I hate Warnock too.  He called Diouf a sewer rat, and has now signed him.  As a good Hull Citty blog said, "he would sign Fred West if he thought it would help".

And there you have it.  Fact.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Facebook Adverts - And Why They Don't Work

Facebook sent me an e-mail the other day, offering me £25.00 of free advertising because Free House Project reached the magical total of 50 likes.

Why me?  I don't own a business, and my pages are non-profit making.  I am hardly going to end up spending money I don't have on advertising.

However, I like to try new things out, and especially this year I am expanding my knowledge of geeky stuff so I thought I would use this free £25.00 of advertising to promote the next Free House Project.

It was reasonably easy to set up, and my advert is designed to show on the side of pages for people living in a 20km radius of Reading who like dance/electronic music.  I didn't have massively high hopes, but I thought maybe another 10 people might attend.

Now so far over 5 days, I have spent £6.35 of my credit - 9,294 people have seen my advert for an average of 3.6 times.

And the success rate?

Well a grand total of 0 people have clicked like, share or attending, etc.  A whole 10 people clicked on the advert (accidentally?!).

Perhaps it is my advert.  Perhaps Free House Project is unappealing.  However - why are Facebook giving me free advertising.  Why are companies not purchasing it?  The only advert I can otherwise see is for Flight Simulators.

Have you ever clicked on an advert on Facebook?  No, neither have I (to my recollection).

Google has a very successful advertising platform on it's search engine.  This is the key - people use Google to search for something (amongst many other uses nowadays but its key function is search).  Often, if I am using Google, I will have an ideal purchase in mind.  I will use Google to search for events, for shops selling t-shirts, for websites offering flats for rent, etc.  When I use Google, I am often going to end up looking for something that I may purchase.

Facebook is for socialising.  When I use Facebook, I do not use it with the intention of purchasing.  I either use it because I want to talk to friends, or because I want to chat shit about myself or say something controversial or attempt some humour, or just generally to pass the time.  It isn't impossible that I would decide to purchase something whilst on Facebook, but it is unlikely.

If Facebook insists on putting adverts in people's news feeds, this could well push people away.  Except me because I am clever enough to use Adblock (there are adverts on the internet?!).

The game isn't over yet for Facebook.  But it needs to remember what it is.  It should look to find innovative ways of monetising it's services.  Adverts do not work.

If it wants to copy Google's advertising model, then it should become a fully-fledged search engine.  There is no reason why Google should continue it's search engine monopoly forever (yes I know there is something called Bing but that doesn't count) and Facebook could and probably should try to compete.

Otherwise it needs to work on ways, such as games, but probably something a bit more inventive than my current tiredness can conjure up on the spot, to make money.  Something new, something social.

I have written to Facebook before with suggestions - not once have I had the courtesy of a response. It needs to stop being so arrogant and start listening to it's users.  How many times it can still get away with pissing so many of it's (change-phobic) users off I do not know.

Given the lack of success of my advert, I certainly will not be using it in the future.

The pressure is on now it is a public company and especially now the shares are worth less than half they floated at with many warning of worse to come.

Anyone remember Myspace?

Monday, August 13, 2012

James At The Olympics

I went to the Olympics on Friday. To watch hockey. More accurately, to watch young ladies in short skirts running around with sticks to hit a ball.

I arrived early, in fact I had to get up at 5am, which is surprisingly easier than getting up at 7am for work. I had that “why do I live in Reading” feeling when I arrived, London was so exciting even at that time in the morning. I even got a seat on the Bakerloo line. How often does that happen in the morning?

It was all so well organised, straight through security, everything was laid out really well, loads of volunteers there to help you on your way and such a cheerful vibe, everyone was made to feel welcome.

The Winfields!  I am sure my parents will be delighted to be pictured on my blog.

Anyway, onto the hockey, which is what I had been desperately craving to see all my life.  I used to have to play hockey at school.  I hated it.  But then again, I hated every form of physical exercise.  Not like now where I am always up for clubbing.

We were treated to two games, Belgium vs USA to decide who was the worst team and the second worst, out of 12, and China vs Australia to see who finished 5th and 6th.

It was so boring that the crowd ended up doing a Mexican wave.  I don't think there has ever been a Mexican wave in Hull.

Actually, it was quite entertaining, and not just because I was watching young ladies in short skirts running around.  For the first game it was a toss-up between supporting the English speaking nation (I had my American flag socks on) or a bit of European solidarity.  Tough choice.  So I had a close look at the young ladies, and soon realised that Belgium were far hotter than USA so supported them.  USA took the lead not long after we sat down, but Belgium came back to beat them 2-1.  Must go there one day, very good looking ladies.

Hockey is admirably skillful.  Watching them control the ball with the stick and dribble like Cameron Stewart (or Ronaldo if you don't support Hull City) is quite impressive.

The second game after a hog roast and a beer (apparently before 10am is too early for a beer?  wtf?) featured China vs Australia.  Clearly I supported the Commonwealth team, and some of the ladies were hot.  Especially the number 9.  That and a couple of the Chinese team seemed to be men.

She shoots!


Except it wasn't.  China kept appealing when it went in the goal and it would often be disallowed for 'dangerous play'.  Eventually Australia proved the best team and came through 2-0.  And China had a last minute goal disallowed.

Here is the number 9.

Time now to educate.  This is Wenlock.  Designed at an East London after-party, one assumes.  One of the proudest moments of my life.

So, has the Olympics inspired me to get involved in sport?  I think you know the answer...

If it isn't fun, then I am not going to do exercise.  The idea of the gym or running is about as appealing as cross-stitching.  However I am currently about as fat and overweight as I have ever been so at some point something has to give.

Actually, I have for several months, or longer, wanted to play badminton.  This is fun, I like it, and it is competitive.  I would play tennis but clearly I do not have the upper body strength at the moment to play it.  So badminton, or dancing in nightclubs is all I can really think of to do.  And badminton requires a second person to play with.  Not easy to find.  I did try asking a couple of local badminton clubs but they do not accept beginners.

So I guess I will carry on as I am and practice my drinking in time for the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow in two years time.  I wonder if it is sponsored by Tennant's Super?

All in all, an excellent day out on Friday, I am so glad I went, and massively appreciative of the ticket from my Dad.  I wouldn't even rule out watching women's hockey again one day.  As long as they are wearing short skirts.  And are pretty.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

10 DJs I Want To See Before The End of 2012

In no particular order, these are the 10 DJs that I really want to see before the end of the year.  Possibly too ambitious.  If anyone wants to join me on my quest, I would be most honoured.

tINI – Loco Dice’s protégé which I guess says it all, but I had only heard the name until this year when I downloaded a couple of sets by her and she has an excellent underground house style that I am a big fan of, really knows how to construct a set and this young woman is going to go far – especially with her free events in Ibiza too. Yes, the lettering is silly and not just me forgetting I have caps lock on.

Nina Kraviz – I cannot hide the fact I have a crush on this most beautiful woman. Everything about her exudes beauty but it was a mix she did for, I think, Sankeys, perhaps in 2010 that first made me think wow, and it was the best music and mix I had heard for a long time. Then I discovered her productions like “I’m Week”, then for some bizarre reason she added me as a friend on Facebook (yes I decided to go against my rule of not adding people I haven’t met in person!). A truly beautiful woman in every way from looks to personality, but most importantly I love her music and what she does as a DJ.

Heidi – I am a big fan of her jacking house sound, but more than that I love her personality on her Radio 1 show, she has so much enthusiasm for the music and for other artists and DJs, and clearly loves a good party too. I haven’t seen her yet but I can imagine one of her Jackathon nights being so much fun.

Cassy – Prior to 2012 I thought Cassy was over-rated and dull. But I have become very fond of a mix she did early this year for Cielo and was really impressed with her at Cocoon In The Park. I love the house sound so much more than ever at the moment, and she just gets it down to a tee, and is not afraid to mix it up.

Tale Of Us – I just love their music. Both their productions and DJ sets. I don’t think I have seen them, though perhaps I did before I knew who they were. They are a discovery of Seth and co. Their music has so much emotion and feeling to it, I would particularly love to see them in the main room of fabric.

Ricardo – Do I really need to explain why he is on the list? A year without seeing Ricardo is a year incomplete. I need his imagination and his creativity in my life. For one reason or another I have always been busy when he has been playing in the UK this year so far (though missing Bloc was a good thing!), and with no Ibiza appearance planned whilst I am there in September, it is getting dangerously close to having a musically incomplete year.

Loco Dice – My spirits were massively dampened at Cocoon at one point due to the soaking I received, ok, and my stupidity of nothing vaguely waterproof apart, but Loco Dice really kept things pumping, and played the crowd really well – his set was way too short though. I really want to see him play an extended amount of time, 3 hours minimal, but preferably more. One of the 300 person all night intimate tours that he does would be perfect – but tickets are always like gold dust.

Dinky – I have long been a fan of Dinky, but when I saw her totally out-do Sven at fabric a couple of years back, I was totally sold, and every time I download a set of hers I hear so many fantastic house tracks, and several I have long forgotten from my first trip to Ibiza in 1998. I really want to see her again.

Eats Everything – I was massively impressed when he played for Cubed, in Reading earlier this year. Again it was a short set, very short in fact so I want to see him properly to see what he can do. He has a totally unique style, kind of mixing garage with house, and a touch of bass – much more kind of upbeat and Fridayish than my usual music preferences.

Wolf & Lamb – I love their music. Simple. I love the way that they can play underground house and then pull out the theme from Knightrider or something totally unexpected. And sometimes they don’t bother mixing. And the tempo doesn’t stay the same all the time. Imaginative and fun.

Yes, someone is missing.  But I have seen him twice, and will probably see him in Ibiza.  And I prefer house to techno by miles at the moment.  He will be there next year.

And noticeably, 5 girls and 5 guys.  You won't see 5 girl DJs in the top 100 of DJ Mag.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

My Big Gob

Those of you that know me will likely be aware that after I recommenced employment, the clever people at Reading Borough Council continued to pay me housing benefit, despite several e-mails including on the day I started work, to advise them of this fact.
Many months later, they requested the sum of approx £1.5k back. Ouch.

So I wrote a letter to complain. I always knew I had no leg to stand on, that they are totally entitled to mess with people’s finances, so I didn’t expect any outcome from my appeal/complaint other than a demand for payment:


Dear Sir

Thank you for your letter dated 27th June 2012 advising that you have overpaid me the amounts of £1,544.49 and £105.85 for housing benefit and council tax, respectively.

I wrote to you on the day that I recommenced employment to advise you of such and to suggest that you review the amount you were paying me in housing benefit, as I was unsure as to whether I was still entitled to receive these amounts, which I thought was quite possible on my significantly lower salary than I was on prior to becoming unemployed.

That you continued to pay them and did not respond to my attempts at communicating, led to me assuming that the monies paid to me was correct and valid, and hence I continued to use the funds to support my rent and bills.

I dispute your suggested entitlement given that it was down to your repeated administrative errors, and was not down to my actions, or lack of them, in any way, and your inability to respond led me to assume that the money being paid was mine.

However, I would like to resolve this amicably, so I am willing to make you the following offer:

If you investigate this case, and provide me with a full explanation as to why my e-mails were ignored, and an explanation as to why it took so long to stop paying the monies into my bank account, and also provide me with a copy of your procedures in relation to this matter, and a full written apology, then I will be willing to pay the sum of £412.59, which is 25% of the values stated in the letters, as a gesture of goodwill, in full and final settlement.

I repeat, my offer is only valid upon receipt of explanations of why the errors occurred following a full investigation into the case, a copy of the procedures that should have been followed and a written apology.

Also, my offer will expire after 10 working days. I expect this to be sufficient time to investigate.

Please can you also urgently confirm in writing that you have received my e-mail.

Kind regards
James Winfield


Surprise, surprise, they advised that I still owe the sum of money from the overpaid housing benefit.

However, thanks to my complaint, they now realised that they have overpaid council tax to me too so I owe them an extra £250 on top of what I thought.


On the bright side though they are going to, erm, write a full letter of explanation and apology for their repeated fuck-ups.

It's a good job I have a sense of humour.
The question is now - do I write back and offer one of those £1 Muller vouchers from my previous complaint about those yoghurts, as full and final settlement, or do I just arrange a repayment plan and be done with it?!

Decisions, decisions.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Eastern Electrics Review

I like things to be organised in my life, I appreciate function and efficiency.

On the flip side though, I do enjoy a bit of chaos theory.

Ahh...Eastern Electrics.

It is good to try and have contrasts in life - the last festival I went to was Cocoon In The Park - both are from within the general area of underground house/techno but both experiences could not have been more distinct from each other.

Difficult to know where to start to review it.  I will start with the location - London, Greenwich to be exact.  I love London, even more than I love Leeds, there is always so much of a buzz and it is organised anarchy, but with the Olympics on, it is just so exciting and such a fantastic place to be, even more than usual.  I liked the festival site too, and there was a fantastic backdrop including the Millenium Dome and Canary Wharf.

The festival itself consisted of a main stage and 3 tents (I only remember finding 3 anyway).

I spent most of my time at the main stage - Richy Ahmed impressed me greatly first off, with an excellent warm-up, keeping it deep and underground, I expected a lot from him and he really delivered.  I caught a bit of Maceo Plex too though annoyingly missed his 'future music' track which is just simply amazing that I kept replaying on repeat last week at work for an hour in some kind of pretend other-worldly state.  Then later on I caught Azari & III, who were playing live, and I have heard lots of rumours about them and erm, to put it mildly they are quite a show.  I strongly urge anyone to go watch them.  They are very, erm, unique.

Then came Damian Lazarus of whom I never know what to expect - I was disappointend at fabric when I saw him earlier in the year, but heard an amazing set of his last year which I still cannot stop listening to which I think was recorded at Burning Man?  He was good but didn't stand out - except for his rebellious acts such as smoking on stage.  Check out his Lazpods too - a whole different world of music.

Finally on the main stage was Jamie Jones.  He seems to have a few people that don't like him for silly reasons, like "why does he have so many people on the stage with him?".   So what?  He clearly has a lot of friends.  Musically was a bit slower than what had gone before with his disco house sound...and the sound quality was not always that good compared to previous DJs and acts (yep...laptop...I really do not get why people stick with laptops other than laziness...surely if you are that popular you can employ people to carry enough records for you?) and he definitely lost some of the crowd.

Otherwise, I was impressed with Kerri Chandler in one of the sauna tents, surprised to enjoy 'E Samba' about 15 years on but he did create a really exciting atmosphere - though I don't tend to spend too long in sauna-like conditions - perhaps a suggestion for next year is to ensure there is the possibility for air to flow through the tents instead of it being stuck there?

I went to see Nina Kraviz, whom I was most looking forward to seeing when she came on at 6pm, and she played some fantastic music but again the heat and the ridiculous overcrowding got too much.  I don't mind it too much as I am used to fabric but in the end I did give up and went outside again.  Annoying but I will see her again as soon as the opportunity arises.

I also saw a bit of Pan-pot. I don't really get why some of my lovely friends so admire him.  Didn't really get him.  Each to their own I guess.

The sound system was probably the best I have known for an outdoor London festival both in terms of quality and volume. It isn’t nowhere near as loud as fabric or a festival in the countryside would be but everyone should be wise enough to know this is the case. The queues for toilets weren’t exactly delightful, and the speed of service at the bars was slow – and they run out of many drinks by the end, including water, though one of the staff did eventually decide to get me a glass of tap water which was appreciated. It was however a festival – not a well-run nightclub that has honed its customer service skills over many years.

Going home though on a tube full of people that had just been to the Olympics and were clearly a little, erm, disturbed by those who got on a North Greenwich was probably the least enjoyable “walk of shame” since I had to do the ultimate walk of shame after a heavy night out straight into 10,000 running the Reading Half Marathon several years ago. I am still scarred but unlike walking into a half marathon, I should recover much sooner.

I think my only real gripe of the festival is that there was too much happening, and most of the tents were a very similar underground house style, with a bit of techno and disco thrown in. This meant that it was very hard to choose what to do and meant much walking around confused deciding what the hell to do and losing friends many a time. I much prefer the set up at Cocoon In The Park with one stage, with DJs doing decent length sets, so you all share the same experience with the crowd.

However these are only minor gripes in the scale of things and it was a very good day out and at about £27 a ticket because I was on the ball enough to get an early bird ticket meant that it was fantastic value for money. I think I will give it 8 out of 10 for enjoyment.

And a big shout to the friends who accompanied me on my adventure, and those people I bumped into that I knew, those randoms I talked to and the people who recognised me and wanted their photo with me even though they had no idea who I was and vice versa.  Maybe they read my blog?

The crowd in general was a decent crowd - a few people moaning and complaining, a few drunken twats but mostly a Shoreditch kind of crowd which suits me fine.

Oh and to the weather too for being perfectly nice for 98% of the time with just the odd shower.

Apologies for the lack of pictures but despite having a good camera now, I am still shit at photography.  My friend Carrie is however much better so I look forward to her photos, and she has done an excellent review here if you want to know more (and it has a few pictures).

It was definitely a good bit of chaos.  Would I go next year?  Not sure.  But I would definitely recommend it.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Do I Want A Free Holiday In Magaluf?

I received a very kind offer by e-mail today from a representative of Easyjet, who after having read my review of Cocoon In The Park thought that a competition to win a holiday in the clubber's paradise of Magaluf.  Which for those of you less geographically knowledgeable is on an island called Mallorca (or Majorca to some of us).  It is near Ibiza.


Hi James,

I hope you don’t mind me emailing, but I came across your recent blog post where you mentioned that you love clubbing ( and I thought you might like to know about a competition that easyJet Holidays is running, where you can win a clubbing holiday to Magaluf - which might be of interest to you.

If you want to enter, all you have to do is follow the easy guidelines on the competition page. You can win a bigger prize if you enter with a blog post.

Please feel free to drop us an email at if you want more information. The closing date is 10th August 2012, so you’ve got just over a week left to get blogging!

Check it out and good luck if you do decide to enter.

Best wishes,


All I need to do is write a blog post to say why I am the biggest fan of Majorca clubbing.  Oh and include those two links.

I have not been to Majorca, so I am not able to say if it is better than Ibiza for clubbing, of which I am going this year.  Again.  For the 10th time.  Because I absolutely love Ibiza more than anywhere else in the world, even more than Bracknell.

However, I thought I would do some investigation work to see what I am missing out on.

Firstly, one thing that comes up is that there is more football chanting in Majorca (I'm from Hull - not posh enough to call it Mallorca).  I give you a good example here - now it is good because I cannot understand it, so this means that the local residents of Majorca will probably appreciate it more.  When I was 18 I went to Ibiza for the first time, this is back in 1998, and had people to shout "Oggy oggy oggy" with.  This now seems to be frowned upon in Ibiza.  In Majorca, you get free booze for doing it.

Secondly, I don't see much in the way or boxing, aggression or any kind of fighting in Ibiza.  Clearly what the average man requires on holiday, for I am not a girl (despite my pink heart sunglasses), is a boxing glove machine so you can find out who out of your group of friends is the hardest.  I feel that Ibiza has taken my masculinity away somewhat, as I find myself wearing pink heart sunglasses in Ibiza and ENJOYING IT!  This must be wrong.  Why are there no boxing glove machines in Ibiza?  Look at the man at 3 minutes 20 - don't you wish you were able to punch like that on holiday?  I struggle to even use a knife and fork after a few nights out in Ibiza.

And finally, and most importantly, just listen to some of the music played - like on this video.  Boom, boom, boom, it is almost as good as Cocoon.  And 3 minutes 30 into it - hmmm.  My favourite kind of gas, except farting of course.

And just to finish that video of, a girl being sick.

So, now my investigation is complete, do I want to go to Magaluf?


I also want to go to Doncaster.  And Hartlepool.  And Stoke.  And perhaps Dundee.  And don't forget Slough.

However if this is not available then I would love to go on a true clubber's holiday to Majorka.  All that time invested in trips to fabric, Ibiza, Frankfurt and Berlin, seem great practice for a free holiday - one which includes free drinks in the biggest club in Madgorca all night - can you imagine if a club in Ibiza offered that?  The value of free drinks all night in Ibiza is about 5 million Euros.  Or will be in a year or two when the Euro is worthless.

Anyway, so please vote for me.  There is no voting though.  So please buy me a drink and I will take you with me when I win the prize.

Excuse, me, time to go proper clubbing at Yate's.