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Sunday, April 01, 2012

My Deepest, Darkest Secret

You will likely have been aware for some time of my desire to achieve world domination, though you probably thought that it would come through the form of democracy and capitalism.

Firstly, I have to denounce Margaret Thatcher and all of her policies.

Secondly, I have been secretly plotting, along with the likes of Gordon Brown, and Ken Livingstone, to re-incarnate the Communist Party.

Our mission has now been achieved - there is no longer a Coalition government.

Further to this, I am now the leader of the United Kingdom.

I have banned banks.  All companies are now owned by the communist party.  All workers will now have the same monthly wage of £200.  As this is now a worker's paradise, everyone will get the Friday off to worship me.  No alcohol will be served on Fridays as this is now the holy day.

Petrol has been banned.  You may still use cars but you must find alternative fuel sources.  All steaks are now possession of the Communist Party.  All subjects of the Communist Party will be entitled to free broad beans, sprouts and miss-sized potatoes on a daily basis to make up for the lack of steak.

All school literature will be re-written to have myself as leader forever, past, present and future.

Margaret Thatcher was just an imaginary character, like Tom & Jerry.

Now, I need to go attend to an important foreign dinner with the luminary of the future, Sir Robert Mugabe, so we can plan the invasion of Germany, and destruction of France.

Bow down to your Communist Leader - Long Live Communism.