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Thursday, November 03, 2011

Why The Hell Would I Want To Go On A Cruise?

Normally I would wait for a response to my e-mail before publishing it as a blog post, as I believe that it is more humorous that way, however it appears that the joke is on me after drafting the following e-mail, and then spending the best part of an hour trying to locate an e-mail address for the company inside its 148 glossy brochure or their website.

That is the brochure.  I had to ask them why they sent it to me.  I really did not know that I would be of the demographic to go on a cruise.

As they had no e-mail address, I just had to send it to admin@pocruises instead, which will likely be a functioning e-mail address but not likely to get to its intended target.

Wait a minute...they don't have e-mail on ships do they?

Doh...

Anyway

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Dear Sir

I just wanted to know why you thought that you should send me a brochure for P&O Cruises 2013 for around the world.

I am quite happy living in Reading, and going to Ibiza every summer for a week.

So why target me?

Perhaps you heard about my redundancy and thought that I might want to spend my money on a cruise?  Nah, you know me better than that, as I have spent the lot on hookers, cocaine and 77 vuvuzelas.

So I guess the real reason is that you just wanted to join me in my quest for global warming, and I thank you therefore for the glossy 148 page brochure that you sent me that I will not recycle, as I can put it into landfill instead which should help warm up the planet that fraction more...I cannot afford these high heating bills now I am unemployed.

I note that you have a dress code, for example "Evening Casual" - A jacket and smart trousers can be worn but are not compulsory?  What does that mean?  Smart dark denim is also fine, but not trainers, football shirts or tracksuits.  What would happen to me if I turned up in my bright pink chinos and a t-shirt saying TOX12 to commemorate the legendary tagger, topped off with my neon-blue trainers?  Does that fit the dress code?

I would love to hear back from you, just in case I win the lottery on Friday as a cruise would be a hell of a lot less hassle than all those airports.

Kind regards
James Winfield