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Thursday, October 11, 2018

The Value Of Your Investments Can Also Go Down

Last year you may recall that I got very excited when I bought some shares, and especially when they went up 10%.

They went up and down quite a lot but they were often 10% ahead, which would have been a nice £500 profit.

I had invested pretty much all my savings in there, £5,000, which was my redundancy money from Easynet.  I wasn't using it, so I thought I should put it to good use and get it to grow using my wisdom - I've always fancied myself at being able to spot an investment opportunity - I often do pick out trends and future winners.

Quite why I thought I knew enough to make money from companies selling computer chips and parts for self-driving cars is another question - hardly my areas of expertise.

And then pretty much since the start of Donald Trump's trade war this year, the shares have been falling.  Erratically, but the trend was down.  I didn't want to sell at a loss, I wanted to wait until they went back up again.  They would, surely?

I stopped looking at them as I became too scared about how much I might lose.  Then a couple of weeks ago when I looked, I was £700 down.  I did feel a sense of foreboding and wanted to sell, but decided to wait until they went back up.  They would, surely?



I hung on and checked again last Friday, at which point it would have been just short of £1,000 loss.  I decided to sell if it went over a £1,000 loss.

It did on Monday.  I didn't sell.  By Wednesday I had lost another £300.

I have now sold all my shares at a loss of £1,460.58.  Which is a fuckload of money to me.

Being a man of small means, still trying to find my way in life with no property, a low salary and very little pension - and being nearly 40, this money was kind of important to my future.  Well...maybe I was just going to go storm chasing with it for my 40th birthday.  But had it grown into something decent, then I could have done something even more constructive than storm-chasing with it.

Was it a mistake?  Yes.  Do I regret it?  Yes.  Will I regret it in 10 years?  Maybe not.

My biggest mistake was to ignore a good friend who told me to have a diversified portfolio.  No, I knew best and chucked 80% in one company, with the other company doing something similar.

I kept a watchlist of shares that I wanted to buy, and most have gone up.  Norwegian, which nearly doubled overnight at one point and I would have sold.  Nvidia, which was up 20% a few days ago but has taken a hammering recently.  Boohoo which is up 40%.  Only two have dropped that I considered buying, Facebook and Tencent.  I haven't done the sums, but had I invested in all the companies that I considered, I would still have been ahead now - well ahead assuming that I sold Norwegian when they doubled.

I also thought about buying shares in Infineon (the company I invested most in) nearly a year before I did, and had I had done so, I would have been 30% or so ahead still.

Also, I've always thought the key to doing well in the stock market, was to buy shares during downturns, during recessions.  Of course, I bought them at the top of one of the longest-ever stock market rallies.

So buying shares per se wasn't the issue.  What I bought and particularly the timing, was the issue.  My strategy, and lack of common sense fucked me over.

Now I am £1,460.58 down and I need to recover my losses.

Bearing in mind that on a good month I have £700 after rent and bills, this won't be easy.

As tempted as I am to stick all my money on David Lammy being next Prime Minister, in reality this means cutbacks in expenditure and/or increases in income.

So a very boring 6-8 months is ahead of me, with minimal drinking, no proper going out, no buying things that need replacing...I have a huge list of things I need to buy...mostly because I have put loads of weight on and nothing fits me.  None of my coats button up and winter is around the corner.  It is truly back to austerity.

I was hoping to fund a trip to Japan next year (part current savings and part from 3 month detox savings) but unless I have a financial miracle (ie a significant pay rise from one way or another) then that isn't happening.  In fact, there will be no booking holidays until I have reversed my losses.  Thankfully my upcoming trip to Budapest is paid for, bar the beer and vegan cheese.

Hell, I might even have to give up roast dinners for a few months, or maybe just do them once a month or something.

As well as cutting back, I will have to try to find some more income.  A few web development side-projects on weekends would be ideal, alas I've only had two proper website customers so far, so my portfolio is fairly minimal.  I'm not very good at selling myself, but I guess I'll have to get out there and find some people that need a website.

Alternatively I need either a promotion or a new job.  The former is far more preferable...but maybe I'll crack under a lack of roast dinners and attempt the latter.  I don't want to, but a lack of gravy can make a northerner do crazy things.

It's shit.  It is really fucking shit but I'm not actually that down about it.  It is only money, which I accept is easy for me to say - once you have the basics covered in life, which I do, then money becomes the door to extra opportunities.  Some doors have been closed for me, I won't be able to treat myself or book a holiday for a while, but they are minor inconveniences.

I am pissed off with myself for bad decision making though.

On the bright side, I did get a £4.70 refund for a tube delay today.

There should be a further bright side too...I should lose weight.  I should be healthier.  It should force me to look into new earnings opportunities.  It could even open more doors than it closed.

This isn't the end of investing in the stock market.  It is just a very painful lesson that I already knew but totally ignored.  Time to save some cash and wait for the next recession.

I blame the Tories.

Sunday, September 09, 2018

27 Places I Have To Visit

I started writing this over 2 years ago...no idea why I never posted it at the time.  3 of the places on the original list I've already been to - Bucharest, Vienna and Madrid.

It isn't in any particular order, bar the top 2 which I'd really like to do over the next 2 years...if I can somehow scrape the money together as they would by some way be the most expensive places to visit.  Which will only happen by the way of long periods without drinking or going out.

1. Tornado Alley
2. Japan
3. Cuba
4. St Petersburg
5. Melbourne
6. Dubai
7. Seoul
8. Iceland (Northern Lights)
9. Chile
10. Falkland Islands
11. Iran
12. Beirut
13. Detroit
14. Canada
15. Ukraine (Chernobyl in particular)
16. Athens
17. Belfast
18. Orkney
19. Hong Kong
20. Galicia
21. Zimbabwe
22. Costa Rica
23. Lake Bohinj, Slovenia
24. Belgrade
25. Ronda, Spain
26. Tbilisi
27. Tirana

I don't see the list ever getting any smaller.

Wednesday, September 05, 2018

Complaint: TFL - Various

The first of my complaints this year to TFL - on a broad range of subjects.

******

Dear Sir/Madam

I don't know where to start with this complaint.  How about GRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZR RGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZR RZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRR ZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRR?

Yes, that was what awoke me on both a Saturday and a Sunday morning - early - very early in the mornings, back in September.

I live close to Rayner's Lane tube station, with my bedroom facing onto the Piccadilly line.  I quite like being able to see tube trains go past - for some bizarre reason this marginally excites me and I sometimes like to wave at the passengers as they go by.

However my view has been spoiled, as all of the trees and bushes at the back have either been chopped down or completely stripped bare.  I now have an embankment of rubbish to look at with a load of chopped tree branches.  I can understand cutting back trees next to a tube line - but completely removing all foilage?  This is quite disgraceful - let alone the noise disturbance.

Then we had October.  Almost every day it seemed as though there were significant delays on the Metropolitan line.  A couple of mornings I couldn't even get into work - nearly every morning I was late to work - and quite often late home.  Yes, you did refund some delayed journeys - but others you didn't.  Maybe some delays were out of your control, but most of the time it seemed to be due to signal failures - why did these keep happening?  What are you doing to ensure that these stop occurring?  I believe that I am correct in saying that all signalling on the Metropolitan line is due to be replaced by 2022 - but does this mean 4-5 years of regular signal failures for myself and other passengers?

Then we had some snow the other Sunday.  Not a huge amount of snow, but enough to wipe out both the Metropolitan and Piccadilly line for pretty much the whole day.  Why did this happen?  Why was there no testing done to ensure this kind of failure wouldn't happen?  What has been done to ensure this doesn't happen next time it snows?  Am I safe to go work in central London next time snow is due?

Also the information provided on the website/twitter was dreadful.  Why couldn't we have been advised of the likely timescale of it being out?  And why were anti-economic messages put out advising people not to travel?

Speaking of going against the economy, and the UK in general, I was absolutely appalled to see advertising for RT.  Russia Today, is a Kremlin-funded (if not Kremlin-run) outfit that wants to subvert our democracy and turn all western countries such as our own into unstable, poorer countries.  They have put out reems of outright lies both about what has happened in this country, and across the world.  This is pretty much the equivalent of advertising for the Nazi Party on the tube in 1940...that didn't happen did it?  So why allow our enemy of RT to advertise?  Please seriously reconsider the impact on the country of RT - as this will impact on the income from fares too.

And finally, do you realise that removing Uber's license will mean more people get illegal taxis back from nightclubs?  Is that what you want?  Uber makes many people feel safe on their journey home.  Plus it is safer for taxi drivers themselves as they are not going to get robbed.  Not only an anti-economic decision but an anti-safety decision.  But one assumes the socialist mayor and trade unions are running the show on this.

I appreciate that my complaint is multi-faceted, but I do expect some kind of responses to the questions that I have posed.

Running the transport network for the best city in the world cannot be easy.  There are a lot of things that you get right, and 90% of the time, the service is excellent.  There are great improvements being made, and these are all appreciated.

One more thing - any chance of electronic boards at Rayner's Lane to see when the next tube is due?

Kindish regards
James

******

Dear Mr Winfield

Thanks for your feedback form about your complaints.

I’m extremely sorry to read about the experiences you’ve come across.

I’m sorry to read there have been changes to your view of the tubes from your window.

With regards to delays, as a commuter myself, I can appreciate the frustration and inconvenience caused especially as you rely on the service to travel and punctuality is of essence.

We try our best to run all of our trains to schedule. However, on a network with services as frequent as ours even small delays can cause further disruption to customers down the line.

Having said this, your satisfaction is our utmost concern. Also we want our customers to have a good experience with their journeys on the Underground.

When there is severe weather, for customer safety changes need to be made based on investigation from Train Operating Managers, this is why there were delays and cancellations on the lines.

With regards to your comments on RT, Uber license and information board at Rayners Lane station, I’ve forwarded this so it can be looked into. I can assure you that it’ll be taken seriously as they will investigate it. They’ll also put measures in place to resolve the problem.

I’m grateful that you brought this matter to our attention; we use feedback from customers to ensure that we can consistently develop the services across our network. I also wish you a more pleasant journey on our services.

I would like to again apologise for the inconvenience caused.

Thanks again for contacting us. If there is anything else we can help you with, please reply to this email. Alternatively, you can call us on 0343 222 1234 and we'll be happy to help you.

Kind regards

xxxxxxxxxxx
Customer Service Adviser
Transport for London Customer Services

******

A fairly pointless response.

However - behold the electronic information boards at Rayners Lane:


I'm taking credit.

Sunday, September 02, 2018

James Went To Vienna

Before going on holiday one should always ensure that the next holiday is booked.

But also before going on holiday, one should ensure that the previous one has been blogged about.  Though I still didn't manage to click 'post' before I went to Croatia.

It seems ages ago, but back in May, myself and my most excellent friend, Martin, sat down on a Friday evening and decided to try to find somewhere to go away for a weekend of beer and culture.

I had some budget restrictions - shock horror.  We also wanted to go to a country that we've never been to before and also had to take into account Martin's sensible aversion to Ryanair and Easyjet...being from the north I am used to shit transport, so I'm not too fussed.  I remember when I used to think the Thames Trains slugs were luxury.

We happened upon Vienna.  It ticked the boxes - flights were relatively cheap, maybe £120 return...from Heathrow too...and with Austrian Airlines.  I'd never been to Austria...Martin had but not to Vienna.

The flight and train from the airport were efficient, metro trains also were - if unpleasantly hot.  Our Airbnb accommodation was spot-on, two large bedrooms each with their own balcony, in a modern flat with a few quirky touches.  Our host was typically pleasant and efficient.


Vienna was easy to get around - I think we paid €14 for a 48 hour travel ticket, not that we ever saw anyone being checked for a ticket.  Viennese must be rather honest.  Underground, overground and trams - there were always plenty of options.

Our location was slightly down-market compared to the rest of the city, plenty of immigrants sat around doing nothing at night, but like the rest of the it felt peaceful, civilised and safe.  We had to catch the train over both the River Danube, and the Danube canal, which was a pleasant view - though only around 20 minutes and we were pretty much right in the centre.

Speaking of being civilised and peaceful, the whole city felt relaxed.  Barely anywhere did the city seem that busy.  Tourists were surprisingly rare, though numerous enough where you'd expect them - the city of 2 million people was spread out, with loads of space.  The vibe of the city was totally different to that of say, Madrid...or London.


Cyclists even stopped at red lights!


We can also be civilised.

One of the reasons that I wanted to go to Vienna so much - it was on my top 20 must visit list that I wrote a few years ago and still haven't got around to publishing - was to see some of the works of Gustav Klimt, one of my discoveries of last year...thanks to a fellow Codhead.

Unlike beer, museums were not cheap in Vienna.  Each one cost around €15 to get into, and there is only so much museuming that one can do.

So on the Sunday we went to the palatial Belvedere Museum, which hosts The Kiss - arguably Klimt's most loved painting.  There was a variety of interesting...and boring old-school type art to look at, but anything Klimt was just mesmerising.

And to see The Kiss up close, and as an original, was just simply breathtaking.  I just couldn't stop looking at it, almost as if I was in some form of drug-addled gaze.  I could have stayed there for hours...well...maybe 20 minutes just looking at that photograph, but we had schnitzel to find and consume.


On Monday when we had time to kill before our flight home (more time than we knew at the time...should have flown with Ryanair), we took a punt on the Museum of Modern Art.  Which had a vast array of Klimt and Schiele, along with a wide variety of other impressive modern art - along with some absolute tosh.




On the Saturday evening, however, we had a bit of a fail.  After having excellent guided tours in both Sevilla and Madrid, I've come to believe a guided tour as almost as necessary as having a pre-flight beer.  Our host was an older lady with a toilet brush in her hand.  She explained to us that you have to have 2 years of training to become a tourist guide in Vienna.  Ahhh, good old European bureaucracy.  She explained a lot of things to us.  Detailed, factual explanations.  I can still hear her voice grating on me now.

The tour was supposed to be 2 hours long.  After 5 minutes I turned to Martin in apology, and explained this wasn't as good as other tours that I'd been on.  After about 30 or so minutes we looked at each other and discussed how to escape.  We followed through some arches and when we came out, the group started to head right - but to the left was a selection of outdoor stalls selling beer and sausages, in the sunshine, with trance music blaring out and Viennese breasts popping out of traditional costumes.

Life is about taking your opportunities.  And we took ours.

I hadn't done much research into Vienna, just an hour the night before so I hadn't really planned on where to go.  I knew though that there was some kind of beach bar near the Danube Kanal, so we headed there on the Friday night.


So it was a wonderful surprise to find a long graffiti-adorned walkway along the canal, with lots of pop-up bars - the kind of vibe you'd expect in Peckham, but full of Europeans - loads of pretty women, of course.  An hour later I was attempting the Tango with a man on a stag do.

Believe it or not, they like their beer in Vienna - and its cheap.  €3 a pint was fairly normal.


Food was also good there, but nothing especially stood out.  We had steak one night - but could have had that anywhere.  We had Chicken Schnitzel, whilst sat outside in the pouring rain - just covered.  And a pork knuckle, which looked impressive but was a bit dry.


There's a massive fairground there, but we didn't go on anything.  I don't have money for both rides and beer, and there is only ever going to be one winner there.

Whilst the city itself was peaceful, the bell-ringing on the church right next to our apartment wasn't - there was no chance of a lay-in, especially with the need for the doors to be open to cool down the apartment.

And then we had plane problems on the way home.  Firstly it was an hour late, then they started to get people on the bus to the plane (via a boiling hot greenhouse-like glass tube for a period of enforced sauca), then we were taken off the bus (via the boiling hot greenhouse-like glass tube) as the replacement plane didn't have any chocolate muffins and needed to be stocked before people boarded.

Martin said to me, "two letters.  B.  A.".  I said to him, "seven letters.  R.  Y.  A.  N.  A.  I.  R.".

Our illusion of Austrian efficiency had been shattered.

Despite any imperfections, I had a fantastic trip, it was a source of much joy and inspiration, and Vienna really is one cool city.

Recently I saw that it was nominated as the best city to live in in the world.  And from my two days there, I can thoroughly understand it.  It works, it is relaxing, people seem to have a high quality of life.  The weather is good.  The beer is cheap.  The tourists are minimal.

It is the kind of place that I could go back to repeatedly, and given the importance of this city to the history of the 20th century - home of some of the most important economists, artists...oh yeah and Hitler, I am surprised that it is not far more popular a place to visit.

There are so many other places to visit in the world, but if I get the opportunity, I would happily go back.

Hell, I could even live there.

Complaint: Austrian Airlines

Dear Sir/Madam

A month or so ago, I travelled with yourselves to Vienna.  In Austria.  Though you probably know that Vienna is in Austria.

The flight on the way there was efficient and friendly - abominable cupcake, but hey, free food.

Vienna is a great city, as I am sure that you already know.  We had a great time there, but were ready to come back on the Monday, expecting to get home with enough time to do some tasks ready for work the next day.

Alas.  We were at the airport in good time, security checks were efficient and we made it with enough time for a beer in the bar.

We then walked for quite a long time all the way down to the gate.  Not long after, they announced a delay of one hour.

Not ideal, but I'm kinda used to being delayed on transport, living in London.  Plus there was a decent bar...albeit rather a long walk away.

So we had another drink and then made our way all the way back to the gate.  A bit of standing around then we starting boiling...I mean boarding.

Which meant rather a long time stuck in a glass tunnel, being heated to excessive levels, before then boarding a rammed coach to go to the aeroplane.

Or at least we thought it was going to the aeroplane.  It just sat there, we remained hot and uncomfortable (though not physically boiling any longer).

Nobody knew what was happening.

Eventually we were all told to get off the bus, walk back through the greenhouse, and wait.

No information was forthcoming at first, but we were told that we couldn't board the plane as the catering facilities were not ready.

Yep, you read that correctly - we had to suffer in both the greenhouse and the coach going nowhere because there were no stale muffins on the plane.  Who cares?  Why can you not load passengers and muffins at the same time?

So we hung around, no idea what was happening.  No information, no new ETA.

Eventually, the boarding process started, but my impression of Austria as an efficient, well-run country was shattered.  Miraculously, I suspect the delay was just short of the 3 hours at which point you would be due to compensate us by EU law - though I'd be interested to find out from you exactly how long it was delayed for.

I was considering visiting Vienna again next year, hell I was even vaguely wondering about the possibility of moving there to work if Brexit ends up a complete disaster rather than just a partial disaster.  However, the 2-3 hour delay I suffered because of Austrian's buffoonery has probably put me off from a repeat trip.

Not only that, I then returned to severe delays (shock horror) on the tube network in London, and was subsequently even later home than expected.

It was a much later night than I expected.

A shame to finish a wonderful trip with such an inadequately organised airline.

Regards
James

******

Dear Mr Winfield, 

Thank you for your email dated 22 July 2018. We appreciate your patience while waiting for our response. 

We regret that you were affected by a flight delay on your journey from Vienna to London on 11 June 2018. Any change to your anticipated schedule can be stressful and your frustration under these circumstances is understandable. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience this caused and for the unsatisfactory experience. 

Based on our records, flight OS 455 was delayed due to unforeseen technical problem. While we understand your request to be compensated, kindly be informed that your arrival delay was less than 3 hours at your final destination. Therefore, as per EC Regulation 261/2004 we ask for your understanding that we are unable to comply with your request. 

Even though we cannot comply with your present request, we would be happy if you continued to place your trust in Austria. 

Yours sincerely,   

Aldiny Obusa
AUSTRIAN AIRLINES

******

We were less than 30 minutes away from compensation.  Doh.

Sunday, August 19, 2018

Abandoned Package For Pablo Hassan

Dear Sir,

 I am contacting you regarding a special cargo that has been abandoned here at our warehouse for over a period of 2 years and when scanned, t revealed an undisclosed sum of money in it. From my findings, the cargo originated from Europe and the content was not declared as money by the consignor in order to avoid diversion by the shipping agent. I strongly believe the box will contain about $4.5 million or more.

 In my private search for a reliable person, my proposal now is to present you as the recipient of the cargo since the shipper has abandoned it which is a possibility due to the fact it has been abandoned for a period whereby a new beneficiary can be presented to the clearance department for claim and also my position at this shipping service. I will pay for the fee and arrange for the cargo to be delivered to your address. Alternatively, I can
 personally bring it myself and then we share the total money in the box equally.

 Regards,

 Mr. Lewis Hawkins
 Asst. Operations Manager
 Zim American Integrated Shipping Services Co. LLC.
 Chicago (IL) Agents: 9950 W.Lawrence Avenue,
 Suite 215 Schiller Park, IL 60176

******

Oh finally, that'll be the money for the cocaine I shipped to the tropical island of Doncaster just over two years ago.  Shame that I had to waste several people over non-payment.

Have you checked the box for explosives?  It could be a trap.  Be careful.  Send me a photo.

Who are you?  Do you have any connection to Serco, the gang from Doncaster?

Regards
Pablo Hassan

******

Dear Pablo Hassan;

 Thanks for your quick response to my mail. Please I have crossed checked the customs clearance declaration on the airway bill of the cargo and it is confirmed the cargo was truly not properly declared as "Money" instead it was declared as family treasures which means I need a Non Inspection Clearance Certificate from TSA to ensure we get Customs Approval document to get the cargo removed from our warehouse and shipped to your destination. However, like I stated in my email, this Non Inspection Clearance process will cost $3,200 which I am ready to pay myself to ensure we can get this delivery process rolling but you have to assure me that my own share of the funds will be given to me in the event I am not able to deliver cargo to you myself which I will try but not 100% certain due to my commitments at my job. So kindly get back to me with this final assurance to ensure I can move ahead with the clearance and delivery protocol of the abandoned cargo.

 Furthermore, for you to have full confidence of the existence of this consignment, the US Customs Ultra Scan Report from the Chicago O'Hare Airport Chicago where the cargo was scanned by the authorities is attached to this email alongside my work I.D which indicates that the trunk boxes have been scanned and confirmed to be filled with United States Currency. So in order for me to negotiate with the officials for the release of the withheld package to you, I will go ahead and pay for the US Non Inspection Charges which was the main reason the consignment was with-held by the Chicago O'Hare airport authorities in Chicago, IL since these charges were not paid by the diplomatic agent delivering this consignment to you from Europe and complete shipment.

 At this point, I advice you re-confirm your full Name's and address, Telephone number and the nearest airport to your home then wait to hear from me once I have paid for the Non Inspection Charges and concluded negotiations for the release of the consignment to you but you have to assure me once again that my own share of the money will be given to me as I am doing this all by my own and not with the consent of my colleagues.

Warmest regards,

Mr. Lewis W. Hawkins

******

Dear Mr Hawkins

What are you saying to me?  Do you realise who I am?

I am PABLO FUCKING HASSAN.

Do not mess with me.

Either you have the money or you don't.  Have you ever known anyone to have a forced vaginoplasty?  Because that is what happens to guys that fuck with me.

We can do business, but I am seriously concerned that you are either having one over on me, or you are part of the Serco gang.  Or even worse - a pig.

Show me the money, and we can do business.  I have top grade cocaine available, all the way from the Scottish mountains.  Even better than the Peruvian shit.  But I need my debt paid first.

Regards
Pablo

******

[...no response some days later so I e-mail again]

Oi.  Ya gassing me?

******

[I don't think I've got a deal]

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Sainsbury's Complaint: Pulling Teeth

I'm rather quite busy nowadays, especially with my job, commuting and trying to enjoy London, so I don't always get the time to complain.  I have not only a list of complaints to make, but also a folder of complaints to share on my blog.

So I thought I'd be efficient and save up a few for Sainsbury's, and sent it shortly after they announced their merger with Asda.

******

Dear Sainsburys

I am sure that you are currently being overwhelmed with part-time snobs given the proposed merger with Asda, with a flurry of complaints from wannabe Waitrose shoppers that have suddenly just found their passion for ethical consumption, and whose complaint has nothing at all to do with the fact that Asda attracts shoppers from the lower classes.

All I care about is food quality.  I am happy to grant you my personal approval for the merger, but please keep your quality at the current levels.

If the quality drops to Asda's level - I will shop elsewhere.

Gosh, that was all a bit serious, wasn't it?  Did you miss me?  It's been a while since I've e-mailed, but I do still love you.  Even if you are about to marry someone else.

Though I do have one of those annoying married-couple questions.  Well, 4 actually.

Firstly, for my delivery in January (yeah, back when it wasn't that cold), I had ordered a pack of your excellent fruit-flavoured yoghurts.  I was delivered yoghurt, vanilla and toffee yoghurts instead - as a substitution but I sadly didn't check it.  What on earth would possess someone to think banana is a similar replacement for mango and apricot?  Or worse, toffee as a replacement for peach?!  Surely a different fruit-based yoghurt would make more sense?

Then for my delivery in February, I had some smoked fish but it had to be eaten that day - and my delivery was at something like 9/10pm.

Something similar in March, with pork tenderloin that had to be eaten the same day.

And this month, I ordered two jars of strawberry converse, but one is actually raspberry.  I don't mind raspberry - but you should know that strawberry is kind of different.  Similar to ordering a bacon and egg sandwich and receiving an egg sandwich.  Good - but not quite all there.  A bit like me on a Monday morning.

Toodlepip
James

******

Dear James

Thank you for taking the time to get in contact with us at Sainsbury's

Currently with the merger there are no plans for us to lower the quality or the standard of any deliveries or shops done with Sainsbury's, the two separate supermarkets will be operating as they usually do now.

If you ever experience any of the issues that you've mentioned on future orders such as short dated items, incorrect items or poor substitutions please let us know and we would be more than happy to arrange a refund for you.

Thank you again for taking the time to get in contact with us and we hope your enjoy your day.

Kind regards

******

Hi xxxx

How about my past issues that I detailed below (previous e-mail attached)?

Kind regards
James

******

[several days later]

Dear xxxx

Is the ignoring of the issues that I originally mentioned part of the new customer service experience that I should expect post-merger?

Regards
James

******

Dear James

thank you for taking the time to get in contact with us at Sainsbury's.

With the points detailed on your email, I've made sure to forward them through to the store to ensure management there is aware of these issues and so they can take steps to prevent them from happening again in future.

The substituted yoghurt's in January, these will have been picked out by the picking system that the drivers and pickers use in store when a product is out of stock, the system itself makes the decision on what is available in store to replace out of stock items with, depending on the stock which is available, the pickers aren't allowed to deviate from the choice that the system makes.

The short dated products, I've reported this to the store to let them know that they have been letting customers down with the short date on products, this allows them to order in a wider range of stock for the coming weeks to avoid such short date products being sent out.

If you could get back in contact with us and let us know if the strawberry converse was marked down as a substitution or if it was just an incorrect item send out, once we know this we would be more than happy to take a further look into this for you.

We would also recommend letting us know of these issues on a case by case basis to allow us to notify the store and sort out any refunds which may be due.

Thank you again for taking the time to get in contact with us and we hop you enjoy your day. 

Kind regards

******

Hi xxxx

Normally I would e-mail straight away, however I have been exceptionally busy this year.

As far as I can remember, there was no substitution listed for the raspberry jam.  I still haven't eaten any of it, and I have run out of strawberry jam.  I have plenty of gravy granules for which I am very happy to use on my toast instead of strawberry jam.

Do I need to e-mail in separately now for each of the issues which was in my complaint?

Kind regards

James

******

Dear James

Thank you for taking the time to get in contact with us at Sainsbury's

I do apologise that this raspberry jam was incorrectly sent out, to cover you for  it I'm sending you out an evoucher for £1.25 to be taken off a future online shop, the voucher code is xxxx-xxxx-xxxx and it's valid for two years so no rush to get it used up.

It's always recommended to email or call us whenever these issues happen ASAP to allow us to have it fed back to the store, but we do understand that this isn't always possible due to work and such and would be more than happy to assist once you let us know.

Thank you again for taking the time to get in contact with us and we hope you enjoy your day.

Kind regards

******

Dear xxxx

Thank you for refunding the mistaken product from the most recent order.

Does this mean that I still need to open separate complaints for previously extremely short-dated products that I outlined in my original e-mail over a week ago?

Kind regards

James

******

Dear James

Thank you for taking the time to email Sainsbury's, and sorry for the delay in replying to your email.

I can understand your concern over your previous emails and the issues you have raised in them. I know I would want to ensure that they had been dealt with correctly, and I am sorry that you have had a number of issues with dates and incorrect items being sent.

We appreciate any and all feedback, as it allows us to know, how we are doing and were we can improve. After checking your account I can see that xxxx has correctly logged all the issues you have raised to report back to the store for you.

As the haddock, pork and yogurts have not been refunded, however, I am happy to refund these for you now. To do so I have sent you an evoucher for £10.00, which also includes a small gesture of goodwill. The evoucher code is xxxx-xxxx-xxxx, and this will be valid for two years allowing you to use it against a future order.

We appreciate you bringing this to our attention, and I hope you have a nice day.

Kind regards

******

The Asda experience has begun.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Fat, Fat, Fat

I'm feeling down again and guess what has triggered it?  Being fat.  As always.

Nothing else really gets me down - things can annoy the fuck out of me like cyclists and Brexit, but nothing actually depresses me like the loss of self-esteem that being fat, and getting fatter does.

Earlier this year, I lost, I think 6 or 7kg whilst on my 3 month detox.  I have since put back on 8kg - reaching a new record highest weight, 98.5kg.  Some of it I actually put on before my detox ended with an Easter chocolate binge (2.5kg - because I didn't lose weight from doing some exercise and got pissed off), then most of what I lost in 3 months I had put back on within 1 month.

The usual suspects are about to say, "do some exercise".

I accept that this is a good idea, and I am not against getting on my bike - I managed to ride 2km the other week which I was pretty proud of, once I got over the psychological challenge of imaginary people taking the piss out of a fat, ugly bloke on a bike.

However, I very rarely have any time.  I'm home by 730pm on a work day.  That leaves me 2 hours to have dinner and do any tasks that I need to do - there simply is not time Monday to Friday to do any exercise.  And I'm shattered by time I get home anyway.

Then at the weekend, I need to clean my house, do my washing/ironing, any admin, clear e-mails, reply to messages that I didn't have the time to during the week, do some studying/coding, ring my parents, have a roast dinner - and hell maybe I'll have a couple of beers.  Sometimes I go crazy and organise something by the way of a social life.  I often intend on doing some exercise, but I tend to run out of time.

This weekend was the perfect example, I was going to ride my bike, hell maybe try and go 2.5km this time - push myself, but instead I spent hours trying to improve my AngularJS knowledge, as I feel under pressure to improve this as quick as I can for my job - I need a proper pay rise as I am sick of being nearly 40 years old and on shit wages with little pension and no hope of ever owning my own home.  If I had a pay rise, I could have at least employed a cleaner - and then had more time to do more positive things.  Alas my pay rise request was rejected.

I'm averaging 3,500 calories a day - which is kind of a problem.  But I'm tired, partly because I'm so fat and work/commute such long hours, so I eat more.  And also I binge/comfort eat when I'm depressed about being fat.  I had not far off 2,000 calories by lunch today.

It is all a negative virtuous circle.

Alcohol also makes me more tired, of course.  I'm drinking less than I used to - but still 30-40 units a week. I think my doctor wants me to be drinking 3 -4 units a week.  It is quite a bit less than last year though.

I also have much lower self-esteem than I have had for many years, partly I guess because most people around me are much fitter, much less fat and much better looking than me.  And also have money.  I'm not as social as I used to be, I rarely feel creative inspiration and I'm definitely nowhere near as funny as I (think I) used to be. 

It may be easy for you to say "do some exercise" or "sort it out".  I see fat people and think exactly the same, forgetting how fat I am.  But it really fucking isn't easy.  I try all kinds of ways of incentivising myself to lose weight but I just ignore them most of the time nowadays, as I'm simply trying to keep myself going in the short-term.

Only 3 things have proven to have worked for me losing weight:

  1. Going clubbing every weekend
  2. Being unemployed
  3. Detox
The latter is the only feasible and desirable option in the current stage of my life.  I'm slowly starting to feel that I may need to employ another detox.  Though not until England have been knocked out of the World Cup.

Other solutions could include working from home occasionally (unlikely), changing job to one with more normal hours (ballache and risky), moving house nearer work (total ballache and risky) or finding a hot woman that I want to impress and hence lose weight (dream on...).

However, being so fat does affect my self-esteem in general, makes me question myself as to whether I want to spend time with people, apply for new jobs - well, everything I do or think about doing.  And don't even get started about dating - I don't even go on Tinder now in case I get a match as I'm too fat to meet anyone anyway.  I actually look like I have boobs when I'm sat on the tube - not to mention 8 chins.
 
 
The rest of my life I'm reasonably happy with, though everything is open to improvement.  My weight is just consistent failure and it makes me sad.

I'm off to go buy some sausage rolls and a chocolate muffin.

Sunday, June 03, 2018

James Went To Madrid

Gosh was it really 2 weeks ago?  Erm...gosh was it really 4 weeks ago?  That is assuming I actually finish this post tonight.  5 weeks...OK 6 weeks ago.  Definitely finishing it this time.

Can I actually remember any of Madrid?  Oh yeah, I went with my family.

The Why

My father suggested a family holiday a while back, in celebration of his retirement.  I think I was probably 16, maybe 17 when I last went on holiday with my family, and I stated that I would never again go on holiday with my family.

Well, I've gone back on quite a few things that I said when I was young.  I may not have been the source of genius and wisdom that I am now.

My Dad's initial suggestion was Florence, but I was a bit hesitant as I've done Italy so much (I've since been told by several people that I really do have to go to Florence) and wanted to try going to different countries.

Like, erm, Spain.

I'm not quite sure how we settled on Madrid - I don't think I suggested it, maybe I did, but I've long wanted to go there...at least since they renamed a square after Margaret Thatcher.

The Journey

Myself and my sister flew from Harrod's airport, also known as Heathrow Terminal 5 with its array of super-expensive shops that common folk like me cannot even afford to step inside.

Curiously our flight wasn't listed on the boards, though we were assured that the flight was on, just a little delayed.  So we settled down for a beer and a £10 sausage sandwich.  Yes £10 for a fucking sausage sandwich, I shit you not.  Though it came with a free cup of tea.  I don't drink tea.

Our flight still didn't display, but we eventually worked out that it was listed to fly 30 minutes later with a different airline and slightly different flight number, but at the expected time.  Cue a slight rush.

And an upgrade - we had booked with British Airways (or so I thought) but flew with Iberia, on a proper long-haul jumbo with super-comfortable seats, loads of space - and the best thing - €3.00 beers.

The Apartment

We were staying in an Airbnb.  Quite impressed that my parents were comfortable on not only Airbnb but also using Uber.  I booked the Airbnb.  Myself and my sister booked the Ubers.

The apartment itself was just a decently respectable place - albeit no plug for the sink.  Drama.

However it had a little sun-trap of a patio which was just beautiful to sit outside in.

The Start

We just looked for somewhere near our apartment to grab a bite to eat, and the small bars nearby were closed - it was mid-afternoon.

But we found this cheap and tacky locals place, sat in the sunshine and had some beer, and the world's largest chorizo sandwich.  I was relaxed.  I was happy.


The City

I didn't know what to expect as I was far too busy in the run-up to do any research at all.

What I found was a really busy city - lots of traffic for sure!  Everywhere there were lots of people, lots going on - people were excited.

Of course we were in some of the most tourist-central zones and it was not short of tourists, especially in the squares.  We also found ourselves there on Madrid marathon weekend, Spanish Cup Final weekend, and a fairly sizeable protest about justice.  It was so busy.


Which I love.  I love Spain anyway, but there was just such a good vibe, a real buzz about the place.

The Weather

We of course went to Madrid when it was much hotter back in England - at times we had warm sunshine, but not always.  On the Saturday, when we had our guided tour of Madrid, it was decidedly chilly - I was in Spain, and I was cold.  Yes, I was wearing shorts.


The Tour

Easily one of the highlights of the holiday was having a guided tour of Madrid.  Having done one in Sevilla, I now don't think that I'll ever go anywhere and not have a guided tour - and the one I semi-randomly selected, as there were almost as many tours as tourists, was brilliant.

Our guide imparted lots of history - especially with regards the previous kings of Spain, he was funny, with great historical facts and unusual anecdotes - a really well-designed tour.

I really felt like I got to know Madrid, and Spain itself.

The Taste Of Hell

On Sunday we went to this small version of hell, which was thousands of market stalls and millions of people.  Like a large version of Blackpool market - punctuated by a scattering of hot Spanish women.  Rosa - why the hell did you recommend that to me?!  What did I say to upset you?!!


The Food

Food was a bit hit and miss.  I'm starting to think that maybe I don't like tapas as much as I thought.  Though on the first night we went to an excellent tapas place - guided by my personal Spanish tour guide.  The last night too, I had an awesome steak - and a real, proper restaurant experience.  I moan so often about the 12.5% service charge in London just for bringing my meal...this place was the definition of how to serve customers.  The steak itself was excellent, but it was all the extras that really made the experience.


At other places though, we had some distinctly average tapas.  And I had a disappointing meal one night too - for some reason I chose mini-burgers, and I don't normally do burgers.  The bread was stale and I wasn't amused.


The People

One of the reasons I love Spain so much is the people.  I remember when I went to Ibiza in 2004, DJ Mag had printed an Ibiza special issue, with an article "what annoys you most about Ibiza".  Someone had said, "the fucking Spanish".  I spent a fair amount of time watching someone go through 3 pallets worth of magazines, cutting the offending corner of said page out.  He finished by the end of our holiday - I gave him a little round of applause.

I, of course, love Spanish women.  I can listen to them roll their r's all day and night.  But in general, I just love the passion and the friendliness of Spanish people - their excitement and lust for life.


One of my dearest friends happened to have moved to Madrid, and she introduced me to lots of her friends, who were all such nice and interesting people - proper well-rounded people that had stories to tell, yet were just genuinely lovely people.  And spoke English to me - I felt so humbled.

The Return?

Madrid was the kind of place, like London, where I could visit repeatedly.  I just enjoyed the vibe and the feel of the place.  There isn't masses of things that you have to do, like say London or Paris, it is more just a place to go and enjoy life.  I could even live in Madrid - albeit not in July and August.

Of course, having a close friend there means there is extra reason to go visit - alas, I am not very good at visiting my friends...mainly due to financial constraints.  I'm sure I'll get that pay rise one year.

And yes, I might even go on a family holiday again one time.

Next up - Vienna